Wow. It’s been awhile since I last wrote. I just took an unplanned hiatus from blogging and I have to be honest I really liked it. During my break I realized a few things:
1. I have a long list of projects that I’m working on and blogging about being fat is way down on the bottom.
2. I thought blogging would help motivate me to lose weight but it’s had the opposite effect. It’s become another thing to do which is adding to my anxiety, which in turn adds to my desire to pig out on ice cream.
3. Blogging Less=Exercise More. My allotted ‘blogging time’ is the same time that I would use for exercise. During my hiatus I started walking, doing sit ups, and yoga. I want to keep this work out routine going and blogging takes time away from that.
So that said I’m on the fence on whether or not I should stop my ‘About a Fat Girl’ blog. Based on my realizations I have two options.
1. I stop my ‘About a Fat Girl’ blog
2. I blog part time. I would keep my blog going by posting 2-3 times a week. I’m not sure if this is a good idea since blogging every day gets more attention. Any advice would be appreciated.
Peace and Love
The blogging world seems sleepy today. Like everyone went to bed early. But here I am plugging away……thinking about binge eating. I feel like I totally loss control over food sometimes. Other times I make healthy choices and eat the right amount. In thinking back to all my habits, bingeing comes to mind. Drinking in college for example. I would go all week without drinking a thing and on Saturday night I would go crazy and drink way too much. The good thing is that I don’t drink anymore but yes I was a binge drinker. I’m the same way with exercise. Sometimes I’ll exercise tons and other times not all. Same with making art. I can go long periods of time without making art but then I’ll get into a project and will work on it all day and night. So what does binge mean exactly? Binge means “a short period of time used to indulge in an activity or substance.”
When I looked up ‘binge eating’ online it came up as a disorder. That kind of scared me. I wouldn’t go so far as to say I have a disorder? Would I? Do I have a binge eating disorder? Yikes!! I don’t like the sound of that. But I do demonstrate some of the ‘binge eating disorder’ systems. I do lose control over specific foods, say ice cream. I’ll sneak ice cream so that no one will see the massive amount that I eat. I also eat it really fast. Too fast for my stomach to register that I’m FULL ALREADY!! I also tend to binge on ice cream when I’m stressed out. These past two weeks have been stressful for me, with my mom breaking her ankle and all. It’s been hard for me to see just how terrible unhealthy my parents are. Also to realize that I was raised with their bad eating habits. No wonder I’m so fat!! But I’m an adult now and I can make better choices. I can change my habits for the better. Oh man it’s so much easier writing that then actually doing it. But here I am trying to do it.
PEace and Love
I went crazy this week eating ice cream. I really hope I can pull myself together. So here it is…..
Gained: 1.6 lbs
Caloric Success Rate: 0%
I went from having a great week to having a terrible week. I’m definitely seeing obvious signs of binge behavior. I’m planning on looking into seeing what binge behaviour is all about.
Peace and Love
It’s been a BAD week. I feel like my splurge on Easter just revved up my fat girl appetite and I totally lost control of my eating. I ate 3500-4000 calories every day. That’s a lot of ice cream. I’m feeling pretty bad about it. My bad eating habits are so ingrained in me that maybe I shouldn’t give myself any free for all days. At least not until I’m consistently portion eating and decrease my appetite for sugar. Yikes. I should tell you I ate one of my favorite sweet treats. I’m a little embarrassed to share this because it is so loaded with sugar. But one of my favorite things to eat is pancakes with maple syrup and ice cream!!!! So yummy but so bad! Tomorrow is my weigh in. I would love to skip it but I won’t. It’s not going to be pretty but hopefully this next week will be better.
Peace and Love,
Yes. I would be a liar if I wrote that I’ve been doing very well with my portion eating and that I feel great! I would be a liar if I said that I have not been eating sweets and that I’ve meant my caloric goal every day this week. Oh but I’m not a liar and the truth is that I’ve been eating terribly since Easter.
I let myself go on Easter. Eating whatever I wanted….lots of sweets….lots of food. I want to be able to allow myself to have Holidays as a special treat but the challenge is for me to stop there. I have yet to stop there. Oh man I’ve been so bad. I tried really hard to portion eat on Monday but of course I had left over coconut, chocolate chip, fudge magic bars from Easter. I even portioned them out but I was so hungry. I wanted to eat more food even after having 300 calories worth of sweets. By Tuesday I just gave up and ate a whole half-gallon of ice cream. On Wednesday I tried again to pull myself together. I don’t even remember how Wednesday went. All I know is that I just polished off another half-gallon of ice cream!! What is my problem!! Even after I know that portion eating works and that I feel so good doing it I’m still making bad choices. It’s like deep down I’m afraid to lose weight. Which sounds crazy. Maybe I’m afraid to be under 200 lbs…again CRAZY. But I definitely feel some self sabotage going on and I don’t know why?!!?
Yippee!!! Well I’m just going to cut to the chase…drumroll please…..
Lost: 3 lbs
Total Weight Loss: 18.8 lbs
Caloric Success Rate: 71%!!!!!!!
I am so happy with my weigh in!! I’ve had the best week thus far. A 71% caloric success rate is awesome!!! Portion eating is the way to go. To recap, I’m eating 300 calories every two hours. I’ve known for a long time that eating less food more often is the best way to eat but I have never tried it, until now. It’s awesome!! I eat my caloric goal more easily and I feel totally satisfied. Happy day!! And HAPPY EASTER!! I am going to take today off from planning food and calorie counting. I do want holidays to be a treat day. So I am going to go bonkers!! But I feel good about that…of course….My challenge will be to only go bonkers today and not every day this week. It’s a treat which should mean rare indulgence. In the past I’ve indulged pretty much every day.
Peace and Love